*A long weekend…*

By Freek at 12:37 pm on Friday, June 29, 2007

With this coming Monday being Youth Day hol and all, it’s just nice to know that I have one extra day to sleep my eyes out.

Anyhows, it has been a good start to the term. Though the big ones are getting a weeny bit rowdier(growing pains causes their mouth to itch and talk incessantly I suppose), they are still controllable. It caused me such a fright when I was explaining to them today about getting images from the Internet and suddenly a p*rnographic picture came up as one of the search results. Can you imagine getting an image of a man giving a bl*j*b when all I asked for were pictures of “Mee Soto”? Haha… In my panic, I closed the bloody window and heard one boy utter, “Eeee… orang tu tengah   his*p   k*n*k…” *lol*

My little ones, they really light up my teaching life this year. What more with today’s lesson. Blindfolded a member of each group and they took turns tasting things I prepared like lime, salt, tamarind, strawberries, chocolate and even preserved duck egg. Hehe.. was funny to see them squirm underneath the blindfold as they told me whether the tastes were sweet, salty or sour and guess what in the world I made their tongues work at. Those who got to taste chocolate were the envy of the class but those who had to take the preserved duck egg, tamarind or salt, it wasn’t so pleasant for them. *lol* Cik-cik-cikgu Suhainis, Cikgu Suhainis kasi saya makan garam nanti saya boleh darah tinggi, tau!

*lol*

At the end of fun, there are lessons to be learnt, but definitely such experiences rouse them for their written work after the hands-on part. Especially when I gave them all a lollipop each to eat while they write down the tastes and physical description of the candy on the sheet given. *lol* Well, it is afterall a lesson on SENSES. I could have been reprimanded for letting the kids eat in class(which is prohibited, by the way), but it’s the experience the kids have that matter to me more. That’s the good thing about the S**D thingy schools are carrying out these days. We have more experiences in class. Bad side of it would be, teachers have to spend time preparing those fun stuff to do. Like yesterday, I spent some time putting the foodstuff into individual Ziploc bags and even used gloves. Last thing I want is to have kids getting food poisoning from unhygenically prepared foodstuff.

But yah, at the end of the day, when the kids learned something, remembered that experience and have smiles on their faces, all efforts, all those time preparing is just worth it. Dy wasn’t even neglected. He got time-off to play AOM or go on the Net which I believe, he didn’t mind at all. =p

And to end it off today, I’ll be having Malay Dance practice. I hope 1-month of non-dancing-activity won’t make their joints or mind rusty. Sigh. Don’t worry, I’ll try very hard to control my urge of dancing with the kids for the 2-hour practice session. I already had some cramps after the end of my P1 lesson for running about too much. Heh.

Gonna end this up with a not-so-relevant note.

Can’t wait to watch Optimus Prime! Autobots, transform!

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*Tick tock….*

By Freek at 3:10 pm on Sunday, June 24, 2007

Even strong women break down from time to time.
**********************************************

I feel like rolling in the ground and laughing my heart out just thinking how my June holidays flew past me. Out of 30-odd days, I had 18 days of M.C which literally meant I was home-bound.  But yeah, it was a good experience going out with the 2 of the most wonderful ladies in my life – Tween-O & Witt.

We searched about for Witt’s wedding shoes, had late dinner at Mad Jack’s and had late-night shopping at where else but Mustafa. Bought provisions and stationery for school tomorrow as well. Hehe. Took quite a number of pics but with tomorrow coming up, feeling a tad too lazy to upload them.

Ah well… I’m bored.

To fellow teachers, have a good kick start to the term tomorrow! To those who have left to further studies, good luck studying!

And to all others, have a good week ahead!

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*Dread…*

By Freek at 1:28 pm on Thursday, June 21, 2007

It’s a beautiful Thursday afternoon. Grey clouds hang in the sky, sheltering the earth from the scorching sun. It’s been awfully hot lately. But so has it been raining rather unexpectedly in the midst of it. Global warming is melting the ice-caps. Polar bears are dying. That’s very sad. The sea level is rising and there’ll be dire consequences unless it is stopped, says the July issue of N-ational G-eographic. I guess that’s no new news considering I’ve read about it back in J.C days. But opening up this month’s issue, in a way, updated me to how bad it has been since then. I love the N-ational G-eographic. And I love polar bears. Been such a long time since I read or watched documentaries but I’m trying to make a it point to catch up.

Well, as I sit at the kitchen table typing away doing my work and updating this blog, the birds tweet as they greet each other and fly off to find food. Or whatever it is birds do on this sort of afternoons. It is a calm and relaxing atmosphere as I finish up whatever work I have left. Though there’s one thing that spoils this beautiful moment. Just one flaw.

That smell.

That smell of ikan kering bacin! Damn I hate the smell of that smelly-smelling dried fish being fried. Urgh! No offence to you guys if you love eating them. I guess the fish has it’s own exquisite taste, to people who can get pass the smell, that is. For me, I complain every time my mum fries it. And she no longer does. But yeah, living in a HDB flat, means that any other makcik could fry it anytime for her family and the aroma can drift to any open kitchen window. I’ll just have to wait for the wind to blow the other way, I guess. But I’d rather smell this ikan goreng bacin anytime if it were to be put side-by-side with those smelly tofu. Those are stinking… stinky. Gosh.

And contrary to the title, I’m not actually dreading that this is the last Thursday before the start of another frenzied school semester. I do miss the kids.

And I miss you, too.

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*I’m luckier…..*

By Freek at 11:37 am on Friday, June 15, 2007

This is one super-long entry.

MAB

Yeaps.. that’s the picture of my baby scan on Wednesday before I had to let it go. 2 weeks ago, it was only one round thing, with a healthy heartbeat. At about 8 weeks into my pregnancy, it was a weeny bit too early to scan as scans were usually done at 11th-12th week. However, because I was admitted for high fever that Vesak day, I had to get my fetal scan so, I did. Vaginally. Only thing was, my baby was scanned to have a 6 weeks fetal size. So, from my initial expected due date of 10th Jan, it became 24th Jan.

But on Monday(11th) when I got absolutely paranoid after I was bleeding like menses and thus went to 24-hr clinic to check it out, my baby had no heartbeat. The doc said my baby grew a bit but there was no heartbeat. Ok, so, it was a slap to my face but to give me hope, he said he’ll schedule me for another scan this Friday(meaning today) and hopefully, he was wrong about it.

Yes. It hit me hard. I tried hard to fight the tears which were already welling up. As soon as I stepped out of the clinic, I couldn’t control it anymore. Cried for a good 5 minutes near the taxi stand and all the way home. I didn’t cry because I was going to lose the baby. I was mentally prepared for that when I was admitted 2 weeks ago and they wrote my Secondary diagnosis as “Threatened Abortion”.

I cried because there was a lot of questions racing through my head. All I could think about was what I could have done to prevent it. Was it my fault? Something I didn’t do? And it saddened me even more that I had to know it on my dad’s birthday. He turned 50 on Monday and I know, it would have thrilled him to become a grandad at 50. In fact, both my dad and dad-in-law were looking forward to having their first gran-child.

But, yeah, as soon as I got home, rested, watched Spongebob the movie to clear my mind. Laughed my head off till I fell asleep. By Tuesday morning, I was already prepared to let go. Prepared to hear the next doc to say that the fetal still had no heartbeat.

But nothing prepared me for the pain. When night came, I had a series of really, really awful cramps. When I had me menses, my cramps were bad and lasted about 20 mins. Tops. Gulping down panadol would quickly douse the pain. But swallowing 2 painkillers that night, didn’t even help. It was worse than anycramps I had experienced and believe me, I had some pretty bad ones which made me roll on the classroom floor during my break back in NIE and in the end having to go home.

I cried and forced myself to sleep at 10pm when the pain subsided a bit. Woke up at 2am, attacked by pain after pain. Dy woke up from my cries. From 2- 6am, I had to endure. And when I couldn’t take it anymore, he rushed me to 24-hr clinic again after Subuh.

The M.O confirmed that there was no fetal heartbeat again, and so I got myself warded. My mind was clear. I had to let go, or endure more pain. I chose the former. It was not my time.

When I was wheeled in to the operating theater, I was trembling. I mean, there were beepings of machines, bright lights and big equipment. It felt like I was abducted by aliens and those green-clothes people were gonna probe me. Technically, they were gonna do just that, only, it won’t be through the ‘back-door’. Heh. Anyhows, it was going to be my first time passing out. Never passed out in my life. After just 3 seconds, I was unconscious and half and hour later, I woke up outside the operating theater. Another half and hour passed and then I was wheeled back to me ward. Pain was gone. Baby was gone.

There was a risk of infertility, risk of my internals being damaged by the procedure and all, the doctors said. But all that is in God’s ‘hands”. Dy and I can always try again. And if it is our time in future, it will be.

Yesterday before I was discharged, I saw some new people in my ward. An Indian lady who just finished an operation and a Malay girl about my age. So we chatted. She was warded because her fallopian tube was swollen. She had had 2 miscarriages and 1 of them was an ectopic pregnancy which meant the baby grew outside her womb which would have meant danger for her. So, in that light, my problems are small when compared to hers.

The lady on the left side of my bed, had to have her womb removed since there was a very big cyst. Besides that, she had to bear a 14-day hospitalisation fee. (3 days~$1300)

The lady on my right side, was 5 months pregnant. But she had some bleeding and if I heard correctly, they couldn’t find her placenta or something.

In those ways, I’m luckier. MY baby was only one blob. It isn’t so sad to lose it now then if I were to lose it after seeing its hands or feet or face or or know what gender it is. I guess, getting pregnant means being prepared for all challenges like that. I mean, nothing’s for sure. One may have had a healthy 9-months pregnancy but baby died during birth and all. So, I suppose, one has to really psyche herself when she gets pregnant. Always be prepared. Of course, one can never be too prepared. Even I broke down for a while despite being pysched up. “Be strong”, I like that advice. Rather than people telling me to “Sabar”. It does mean the same, but somehow, it comes across differently to me. And please, don’t tell me I’m still young and can always try again. I know I am but age isn’t anything.

It was an experience having a life grow in my stomach and I thank God I had the chance to. Now, to get myself strong through all the medication and “ubat periuk”. Yes. Ubat periuk is Y-U-C-K-Y. But since having a miscarriage is basically almost like going through labour and with baby leaving me with a tummy(not forgetting bigger boobies and booties, much to Dy’s delight) and post-pregnancy weakness, I’ve to oblige to me mum boiling those icky tasting stuff for me every day from now. It looks half as bad as it tastes. *squirms*
periuk.jpg

And after all this, we shall try again, ok, darling? =)

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*…………..*

By Freek at 10:30 am on Tuesday, June 12, 2007

We’re having a baby.

Thank you all for your prayers.

I won’t be updating for a while. Dealing with it.

Love y’all.

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