Not mine, of course. Heh.

After months of preparation, Witt’s wedding finally took place last Saturday. And since Dy was the groom’s best man and I was supposed to be one of the bridesmaids, we were separated for the event. For a while. Anyhows, we had to wake up bright and early since the solemnization was to take place at 10am and the groom’s place was at Telok Blangah.

Don’t mind my crooked smile. Had saliva accumulating and my usual smile couldn’t surface. Heh. So, after sending Dy, Bedah drove us back to Witt’s place. At about 9.30, we made our way to the void deck since the solemnization was to take place at the dais. When the groom’s entourage came, I was actually so excited to see Dy. Macam aku plak yang nak kawin! Hehe. Anyways, funny thing was, although the entourage was there and the “road block” in the form of Witt’s 4 aunts was there to “block” the groom and his party, the groom made a detour and walked right pass the aunts! In fact, he looked like he couldn’t wait to be married and was walking so fast, leaving his best man behind. *lol* Tak sabar-sabar!

So, since the kadi was already there, the ceremony began. Witt’s dad did the akad nikah himself, witnessed by the kadi, Witt’s uncle and my Baby. With one try, it was Sah! And the 2 were finally man-and-wife.

Of course, the other highlight for me besides seeing a close friend of mine get married, is meeting up with the other girls. Never a dull moment with them around.

How much have I grown? See for yourself.

After that, we moved off to the groom’s side. While waiting for the kompang ensemble to start, cam-whoring seemed like a pretty good idea indeed.

During the reception, Dy’s other NS-CD friends arrived and sat with us. I volunteered to carry Mrs R’s baby, Firdaus, who was so, so, so quiet and… tembam. And of course, I didn’t really need much practice since I’ve been carrying babies since my brother, sisters and cousins came along and also when my mum used to babysit. Yes, I am that old. Heh.

At nearly 5pm, we made our way back to the bride’s side. It was time to send everybody home, including ourselves. While removing the wedding car decor, we came across a hurdle, which normally could have been solved with a pair of scissors or pliers. However, although we had none of those, we managed to remove the wires which held the ribbons to the car by means of teeth. And this is the owner of such strong teeth…

No, I’m not being rude. It’s a name she coined herself. *lol*

Yesterday, Dy and I drove the newly-weds to the photo studio. While waiting for them, we saw a very familiar sight. You’d recognise it if you’ve watched Laksamana Do Re Mi.

Hehe. Ah well, I had so much fun. To the newly-weds, have a great life ahead together filled with much love.

Me and Dy, well… we’re pretty much…

Right now, I’m a mishmash of feelings.

Firstly, the most obvious, is that I feel like a sloth. I don’t feel like doing a lot of things but at the same time, I feel so bored not doing naught. Don’t get me wrong though. Unlike the real sloth, I don’t sleep 20-odd hours a day nor am I nocturnal. Just that, I’m doing things so slowly, I might as well be one. In fact, and I am ashamed to say this, I haven’t bathed yet since I woke up although I’m already partially naked ready to shower. *lol* Of course, this sorta luxury only lasts this December and by the the last 10 days, I’ve to get back my normal working day routine. Turn in early, and no more sleep time after 6am.

Secondly, I feel very rimas. My most favourite thing to do, despite the countless numbers of time of being reprimanded, is to lie on my stomach while I do stuff. Watch tv, read book, surf the net on the lappie and stuff. But I can’t do that anymore now, now can I? Unless I want my little bump to grow at my back instead. So, the battle to fight the urge, is actually very difficult for me. It’s me versus self-control which seems almost impossible.

Thirdly, I feel empty. I actually wanna go down to my school, clean my workstation and get myself occupied. Heck, maybe I can even get the new textbooks for next year and start planning lessons or doing up powerpoints and other resources. Being idle is definitely not I enjoy despite how I’m feeling in number 1. When I’m idle, my mind strays so far, I start being a nuisance to people. Which is worse than being senile.

Fourthly, I’m feeling insecure. Nah, not insecure about my marriage because I have a man who loves me as much as I do and makes me feel so safe and sheltered. Nor am I insecure about my body anymore since I can’t really help expanding bigger with a little being growing inside me. I’m just feeling a bit insecure about how the little one is doing. It’ll be easy if every pregnant woman had a transparent window to the tummy and just peek to see how the little one’s doing and all. It’s kinda a morbid thought to have(macam looking through the window of a submarine plak) but yeah, I guess most expecting women worry about the baby’s development and all considering anything can happen within the 9 months. I mean, it’s especially tough for people who have been through a loss before or heard of news of people who just experienced loss. Until the baby’s cries are heard when it finally arrives into the world, nothing is for certain. Even after that, things are very much uncertain. In times like this though, faith is all one has. I’m leaving it all in the hands of Him. If it’s meant to be this time around, it’s meant to be. If it’s not, like Dy says, there is always another time and we have lots of those time ahead to try again. Heh. Dear God, please keep my Little One safe.

Next, I am feeling super-duper-uber excited. That same jughead I talked about previously, is getting married tomorrow! If I knew how to do cartwheels, I’d prolly do it, but unfortunately, I am too bottom-heavy. Hurhur. Very, very excited to see her all-dolled up bearing in mind she has never been one for make-ups and dressing up. Hehe. The girls will be there too, and it’s like a second reunion in 1 month! Beb, we’ll see ya later. I’m sure the little man will get well soon so don’t be too worried, yah? Think happy thoughts, bride-to-be. We love you.

And last but definitely not least, I. feel. blessed. To you…

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you’re far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
‘Cause I’d miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
‘Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I’m wondering what you’re dreaming
Wondering if it’s me you’re seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we’re together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don’t wanna miss one smile
I don’t wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

I guess, I am not one who can give good advice.

Sometimes, I say things to make people feel comforted and get thanked, but somewhere along the road, I cross a similar problem, and I stumble and fumble to overcome it.

Like the time I tried to comfort a little girl when she was going through a rough patch earlier last year. It brought us closer and prolly became the start of mutual pouring of each others’ heart and trust to each other. A few months later, I was tossed into the same rough patch. All the words that I gave her, somehow got lost amidst it the devastation and crying. But thankfully, she shone the light my way, and I was able to see through that dark times – with the same advice I gave her. Thank you, my dear. For helping me survive that time.

Then there, of course, are my long term companions. Friends who were there for me every now and then. However, this particular jughead has been there for me since ’99. A lot of things have been divulged during these few years of friendship. She has salvaged me through some really bad shit I’ve, intentionally or not, sunk myself into. Thanks for the talk we had, babe. I’m comforted. And I love you. I love you all.

Dy. Now how can I leave Dy out of all this? The one person who I will spend the rest of my live with and prolly the only person who will get to know me inside-out, physically-emotionally-pyschologically. He has been there for me for every single thing these 7 years. Sharing good and bad times. However, sometimes though, I make things difficult for us. I mean, how difficult is it to just sit down and talk things out? How difficult is it to speak the mind? Apparently, it is hard.

It is hard when sometimes the mind refuses to reveal. Hard when there is apprehension and reservation and the fear of being judged. And sometimes, anger, embarrassment or the ego takes over. However, that shouldn’t be the case, being married and all. I’m not supposed to feel scared of telling him anything and everything. Such feelings will only cause a crack in the communication.

And for that, I’m resolute to close that gap.

Baby, hold my hand help me break this barrier. It is suffocating sometimes to not be able to let things out when I want to and it festers inside making me feel downright horrible. I guess, there’s a lot more for us to learn throughout this life. But I’m glad, you chose me to go through it, flaws and all. I love you with all of me.

For us. And the future Little One. Insya Allah.

Right now, with nothing to eat at home since my mum has already gone to work, I am feeling tragically hungry. Thank goodness that my sis volunteered to go and buy something so, currently waiting for her to get back.

Anyhows, right now, I’m actually craving to eat a certain something. Maybe not a craving, cos I think it’s too early in my pregnancy to be craving for stuff.

I’m just having an overwhelming urge to eat this certain dish – Chinese-style fried kway teow. I’m picturing soy sauce, eggs, beef pieces and heck, even bean sprouts. Of course, mesti halal.

So, I’m trying to search for it.

But if all else fails, I think cooking it myself sounds just about right, too.

Maybe, that second option will happen sooner than I think.

Acne breakout.

Scary.

My forehead’s now a rocky road.

What else will this hormone thingy bring me, I wonder.

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I miss having ___.

I do.