*The one I let fall…*

By Freek at 9:11 pm on Saturday, November 8, 2008

Today, I wished I could have practised my shuttle run hard enough during my P.E years in Pri/Sec/JC.

I really wish I was faster.

Cos’, my Aaliya had her first fall today.

And it broke my heart a million pieces when I was just 1second away from grabbing her from falling. Really, till now, I’ve had replays of how she fell, how she screamed in pain afterwards and how hysterical I was. It was traumatic for me.

Usually, I needn’t have to buckle her up when I put her in the stroller. Since she mostly just lays down, I figured, leaving her for that 1 minute would be fine. That was my very HUGE mistake. The dummy that I was, I forgot that she has already started rolling and shifting herself from one place to another. She likes to wriggle and wriggles more now. And so, she squirmed and squirmed on the pram and started sliding down the pram. I ran as fast as I could but just when I was about to reached her, she fell. Her feet touched the ground first, then her knees and then her stomach and finally, hit her head on the cold tiled floor of my staff room.

Although there was no thud, I was already panicking like a bloody fuck idiot. I was afraid she broke her nose or hit her head too hard. I guess my heart raced faster than I ran. She was already screaming and wailing at this point. I carried her and held her so?tightly in my arms. Gosh, can’t believe I’m crying again right now. Couldn’t bear to see her sobbing, tears flowing endlessly and her eyes clenched shut and face all red. But when I saw a faint bruise on the right side of her forehead, that was it. I broke down instantaneously. My sis who was with me, tried consoling me, but I was just to full of guilt, regret?and sadness. It may sound crazy how distraught I was, but any mum would feel the same, what more a first-time mum like me.

Slowly, her crying subsided. She opened her eyes and?I think she noticed?her mum who was already sobbing?and wet in the face from all that tearing. The little angel looked at her Iboo, and..

Smiled.

I was ecstatic. In between the tears, I laughed with my sis. I was relieved though it didn’t take away the regret.

I’m glad Aaliya wasn’t affected much. She still has that bruise now as I type this, but I hope it goes away soon.

And if you see me very ngiao or fussy with my kid, you know jolly well, that I have fucking learnt my lesson. As freaking cliche as it may sound, It’s better to be safe than sorry.

Aaliya, Iboo so, so, sorry, darling.

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