*All messed up….*

By Freek at 2:37 pm on Friday, December 7, 2007

Right now, I’m a mishmash of feelings.

Firstly, the most obvious, is that I feel like a sloth. I don’t feel like doing a lot of things but at the same time, I feel so bored not doing naught. Don’t get me wrong though. Unlike the real sloth, I don’t sleep 20-odd hours a day nor am I nocturnal. Just that, I’m doing things so slowly, I might as well be one. In fact, and I am ashamed to say this, I haven’t bathed yet since I woke up although I’m already partially naked ready to shower. *lol* Of course, this sorta luxury only lasts this December and by the the last 10 days, I’ve to get back my normal working day routine. Turn in early, and no more sleep time after 6am.

Secondly, I feel very rimas. My most favourite thing to do, despite the countless numbers of time of being reprimanded, is to lie on my stomach while I do stuff. Watch tv, read book, surf the net on the lappie and stuff. But I can’t do that anymore now, now can I? Unless I want my little bump to grow at my back instead. So, the battle to fight the urge, is actually very difficult for me. It’s me versus self-control which seems almost impossible.

Thirdly, I feel empty. I actually wanna go down to my school, clean my workstation and get myself occupied. Heck, maybe I can even get the new textbooks for next year and start planning lessons or doing up powerpoints and other resources. Being idle is definitely not I enjoy despite how I’m feeling in number 1. When I’m idle, my mind strays so far, I start being a nuisance to people. Which is worse than being senile.

Fourthly, I’m feeling insecure. Nah, not insecure about my marriage because I have a man who loves me as much as I do and makes me feel so safe and sheltered. Nor am I insecure about my body anymore since I can’t really help expanding bigger with a little being growing inside me. I’m just feeling a bit insecure about how the little one is doing. It’ll be easy if every pregnant woman had a transparent window to the tummy and just peek to see how the little one’s doing and all. It’s kinda a morbid thought to have(macam looking through the window of a submarine plak) but yeah, I guess most expecting women worry about the baby’s development and all considering anything can happen within the 9 months. I mean, it’s especially tough for people who have been through a loss before or heard of news of people who just experienced loss. Until the baby’s cries are heard when it finally arrives into the world, nothing is for certain. Even after that, things are very much uncertain. In times like this though, faith is all one has. I’m leaving it all in the hands of Him. If it’s meant to be this time around, it’s meant to be. If it’s not, like Dy says, there is always another time and we have lots of those time ahead to try again. Heh. Dear God, please keep my Little One safe.

Next, I am feeling super-duper-uber excited. That same jughead I talked about previously, is getting married tomorrow! If I knew how to do cartwheels, I’d prolly do it, but unfortunately, I am too bottom-heavy. Hurhur. Very, very excited to see her all-dolled up bearing in mind she has never been one for make-ups and dressing up. Hehe. The girls will be there too, and it’s like a second reunion in 1 month! Beb, we’ll see ya later. I’m sure the little man will get well soon so don’t be too worried, yah? Think happy thoughts, bride-to-be. We love you.

And last but definitely not least, I. feel. blessed. To you

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you’re far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
‘Cause I’d miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
‘Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I’m wondering what you’re dreaming
Wondering if it’s me you’re seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we’re together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever


I don’t wanna miss one smile
I don’t wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

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Comment by voeg

December 8, 2007 @ 11:53 am

Window tu good idea…but then who knows maybe the ‘lil one inside prefers PRIVACY? Hehehe…Anyway have a nice weekend ahead…

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