Of?late, I’ve heard people telling me that I look like?gonna pop any moment. Due to the sheer size of me, some people are worried and ‘terrified’ just by looking at me.

Yes. These days I?practically waddle about like a penguin,?move slower than a?sloth?and like I always say, climbing just 1 flight of steps is like climbing Everest.?I need to move out 5 minutes before the bell rings just to be IN time for classes.

There’s just not enough room anymore. Heh. Baby A is prolly growing bigger by the second and every moment, I feel stretched and my back hurts. I feel out of breath very often and I get real sharp taekwondo kicks to my?organs?every now and then. Don’t even get me started about my gastric area.

As I recall, I remember saying all these a few months back. Now that I think about it again, those times, are nothing compared to now. Back then, Baby A’s movements?felt like mere flutters. Heh. Ladies and gentlemen, I am starting to feel the real thing. Hey, hey. In case you get the wrong idea, I ain’t complaining here. Just describing what I’m going through, so that I can remember them when I read back my archives. Maybe for Baby B a few years down the road? *lol*

Which brings to mind.

Am I really ready for this?

Am I really ready to experience the pain which has been described as the most painful pain one can ever go through?

Am I ready to meet that tiny little human I have been carrying for 9 months?

Am I ready to be a mom?

Of course it’s a little to late to question things now. But to be honest, I am starting to feel afraid. Afraid that I am not strong enough to do this. Afraid that I’d freak out.

But then, I know God will give me strength and help me through this.

I know Dy will always be by my side, too. He and he WILL be there by my side when that day comes.

I know Baby A is counting on me to be strong as well.

I will try to be.

Ganbattei, Suhainis-san.

Of late, I’ve been salivating a lot (again). For those who might have remembered, back during my first few months of pregnancy, I was salivating excessively that I needed a bottle to spit into. Now I’m doing that again but?thankfullu, only?when I’m sleeping. It’s very frustrating that I wake up in the morning and find… erm…?wetness. Tsk. However, yesterday night was different. I spent the night reading my favouritest story to Baby A till my throat was all dry. And what do you know? I woke up today with no saliva! *lol*

Speaking of Baby A, I’ve uploaded my whole series of ultrasound pics in my multiply. Heh.

http://freekyhead.multiply.com/photos/album/2/Baby_As_Ultrasound

I’m actually very envious of my sis. She’s been on a baking frenzy trying out recipes and all. Even brought her friends home to do some baking session. It’s been SUCH a long time since ME, MYSELF & I did any baking. I wanted to do some baking last week, but after just thinking of the workload I have, I decided against it. I’m just waiting for an opportune moment to do so. Hmmm, I’ve got 3 months, haven’t I? Oh well.

Anyhows, TGIF! Despite it being a long day with ML dance and all, I’m thinking, well, it IS a Friday, afterall. Can’t wait to go out with Dy tomorrow. He’d been away to his school camp these past 2 days and so, there hasn’t been any bonding sessions. *sulks* But then again, him going to that camp sure brings about my P5 memories of going to Sarimbun camp back then.

And as soon as Saturday is over, I’ll be thinking about school again on Sunday, bogging myself with work. I’m really rushing for time here. Busy setting up revision work and being in a school where there are only 2 ML teachers, worksheets have to be done from scratch. Thankfully though, there are resources which I tweak here and there. But still. Tsk. Exams are around the corner and everything and I don’t want the kids to be left behind or anything so, I’m really scrambling to finish a lot of things so that even if I start acting up, at least there is work for them to do instead of idling around.

Aight, school’s almost starting now.?Adios, amigos.

It’s not good having a sweet tooth. Got myself into trouble? since my sugar level shot up when I went for check-up just now. Thank goodness gynae didn’t make noise. Well, serves me right for eating the caramel apple dippers and ice milo?before meeting her.

Anyhows, Baby A is now about 2.2kg! Heh. At my last visit a month ago, Baby A was only about 1.5kg. Gynae said the baby’s growing very nicely but I’m worried about my OWN weight. Tsk. There goes all my eating spree. Dy has barred me from all sweet stuff since I was told about that increasing sugar level thingy. Sheesh.

Doc told me that from now on, pain will be a normal occurence. Well, you bet. I’ve had cramps since morning and I had to walk and bend forward a little since my stomach’s stretching some more. As for kicks and punches, Baby A’s definitely doing some serious taibo in there. Thanks to the calcium pills I guess.

I wanted to see Baby A’s face but doc said it’s quite impossible at such stage since everything’s crammed up inside. Baby’s head was pointing downwards though. As for gender, figure it out yourselves, yah? *winks* (this is Baby A’s rear view. literally)

And remember I mentioned about my S.I.L’s wedding? Meet the not-so-newly-weds.

*lol* Gian, mah…

Dy and I… are officially broke.

Oklah, not himlah. I always make sure he has money with him all the time.

It is I who?is broke.

Heh.. fancy being Finance Minister of the home, but having zilch and all.

Well, can’t blame anyone but myself, really. Everytime Dy & I step into a mall, there’s always that urge for me to visit those kiddy shops and buy stuff for Baby A. Kalau takde benda nak beli pun, I will try hard to think of something to buy. Heh. Now, I have? membership cards from Kiddy Palace and Tom&Stefanie. Khkwehrewr..

Actually, it’s not that I don’t have moneylah. Like I said, I’m saving the dough for hospital bills. I emailed the hospital about billings and all and though I don’t really understand?the breakdowns of the billings and how much I’d have to fork out in the end, I’m guessing it’s gonna involve a shitload helluva lot of money.

Yesterday, while watching?dvd with Dy?while lazing around in our bed, I felt this awful cramp in my waist, back and also THAT area. Almost couldn’t move myself when I wanted to go pee. Kinda scary as the thought that it’s gonna be almost 33 weeks soon..and at this stage, anything can happen, anytime.?

Aku belum nak beranak woii! Nanti leave tak cukup! =/ But even so, I have discussed with Dy about taking my whole next term off. It would be tight since that means I will be having no-pay leave and all but being the Finance Minister, I have worked that out as well. Chehhhh…

My f.i.l who came in the evening yesterday?wanted me to deliver quickly so he could hold his first grandchild. He and all of Dy’s family members dropped by to visit for jalan pengantin?since my s.i.l had her wedding last weekend. And since the baby’s cot was right in the living room(for now since Dy and I need space to solat in our room and all), they were lamenting and wishing for this tiny being to come out soon.

Hoho.

And we still haven’t?confirmed a name for Baby A yet.

My s.i.l was asking my f.i.l,”Nanti cucu bapak ni nama dia apa?”

I said, “Cucu ni nama dia Choo-choo Train.”

Hehe. Sungguh the glamour nama dia you!

Despite being on m.c yesterday, I am still feeling deprived of sleep. Basically because even being on m.c, I was doing work from evening all the way till almost midnight. And then there’s the waking up in the wee hours to pee and also waking up early for work. Also the fact that Baby A’s getting very, very strong and I can feel him/her pushing at my tummy and him/her taking up so much space inside and I’m getting that gert feeling all over again, nausea and all. (By the way, I took a video of him/her moving along my tummy. I’d prolly put it up on my Multiply, so, message me if you wanna see, aye? *lol*)

Of course I’m not blaming my baby for my sleep deprivation. In fact, I’m glad it’s getting stronger and it’s moving around much. I guess it’s one of those period of time when I feel so bogged down with work. I got cranky so much so, that I screamed at my kids today. I didn’t intend to, and whatever they were screamed at wasn’t really that bad or anything. But I guess the kids understand that I have my ‘off’ days sometimes and after a while, they prolly forgot all about being yelled at as I got them going into a discussion, running their imagination a little.

It also didn’t help that I had observation today and I think it went badly despite the amount of time I took preparing for it. I’m just waiting for the verdict but I think it’s going to be bad. I took a clean 15minutes just getting ready since the rooms I usually?use for lessons were taken up by the school and I?had to rush?for an alternative spot. Even to the fourth floor. After I found one,? ended up it did not have that cable connecting to the projector. I thought I’d just do it the manual way – using the whiteboard, but, well, there was a reason why I had to die-die try to get the pc working. Thankfully, it could start up, so, ok.. good. Or so I thought.

And guess what? No mouse! Right! And I know I’m handicapped without a mouse on a desktop and I wished Dy was there to tell me what to press. So, I just pressed whatever key I could and in the end, I managed to open the file I wanted. But I had to scream at the kids every now and then as they were a bit over-excited by the fact that I brought fruits for them to taste in the activity. In a way my fault, and I wouldn’t have minded if it wasn’t an observation. But yeah, I think I sucked.

Now, I’m really tired. I’m munching on the big bag of peanut m&ms that I bought at Mustafa’s yesterday and if I don’t find something that would trigger my happy hormones right now, this big bag’s gonna be gone sooner than the amount of time I get to sleep.

Sigh.

It’s times like these that I bite.?